We're Just Friends, Right?
by Hydrangea777
Summary: (COMPLETE!) Read the diary entries of Ron and Hermione as they muddle through life, school, and love. Ridiculously shallow plot? Check. Abnormally cute? Check. Fun to read anyway? Well, look and see! RHr, HG.
1. I'm not in denial

**A/N**: Hi, people (waves energetically)! Allow us to introduce ourselves, our names are Sarah and Sophia, and we write all our stories together. We're best friends (hug)!!! Anyway, we just wrote this story on a whim, to see what fan fiction writing is like. In the unlikely event that people will actually like this fic, we'll probably continue it. Until then, enjoy!  
  
**Diary of Hermione Granger, Bookworm Extraordinaire **

**_November 30th_**  
  
Hi Diary, or should I refer to you as that? After all, you are merely an inanimate  
  
object composed of leather and parchment. I, as an intelligent individual, should be  
  
above this meaningless and petty activity of scrawling random hormone- fueled thoughts  
  
on scraps of paper. Ah, who am I kidding? Anyway, I suppose you wish to know why I  
  
am keeping a diary, a stupid, abhorrent practice usually only done by mindless, boy-crazy  
  
tarts, AKA Parvati and Lavender. I, Hermione Antigone Penelope Athena Granger (what  
  
can I say, my parents are obsessed with Greek literature), must be either going insane, or  
  
coming down with something. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, this morning, I  
  
sat next to Ron in the Great Hall, and saw him stuffing his face in a most disgusting  
  
manner (really, I should write to Mrs. Weasley about it). I fully intended to reprimand  
  
him for being such a Neanderthal, but then, he turned and smiled at me. I know, that's  
  
not exactly an unusual activity. In fact, I think he had a bit of egg stuck between his  
  
teeth. Still, I suddenly felt tingly and warm all over. I am quite worried, because I think  
  
I may be coming down with Doxy Flu. Let me look up the symptoms in 1001 Magical  
  
Maladies again, one second...Oh NO! It states that such an illness could cause purple  
  
hair, running sores, and worst of all, lowered IQ!! PANIC ATTACK!!!!!  
  
Okay...must...calm...down...deep...cleansing...breaths...oh, wait. It states that only  
  
people of the male gender can be infected. Whew! Okay, panic attack over. My  
  
therapist would be so proud of me! But then, why did I feel this way? Can Ron have  
  
anything to do with it? No, it couldn't be. That's impossible. I mean, I'm talking about  
  
Ron Weasley, my best friend, the one who's annoyed me for years, the one who always  
  
makes fun of my passion for books and literature. Plus, he always is borrowing my  
  
homework! I try to refuse him, but then he looks at me with those adorable blue eyes  
  
and...wait a second. Did I just call Ron "adorable"? I can't have a crush on him...can I?  
  
Oh dear.

**A/N**: Like, dislike, absolutely hate this? Read and review! 


	2. Brotherly love

**Disclaimer**: Everything belongs to JK Rowling. We own nothing. Don't sue us.

**A/N**: Wow, we actually got some positive reviews! We can't believe it (big cheer)! Thanks to Pullmanlover, Gabe (we love you!), GeekGurl (love your name), "I Love This Story!!", Luthien-Anwaman (great to know a fellow mythology lover), Penguins R Cute, EvilFireWitch, TheSweetestThing, Summer and Seth, HiddenFlame42, and especially to Charles Weatherby (for being our first reviewer!). You guys are great. To those who said the fic is OOC, you're absolutely right. We tried to use your input as much as possible, and please keep in mind that we're trying our best. Thanks again! Sarah and Sophia :).  
  
**Journal of Ronald Weasley, Obsessive Chudley Cannons Fan **

_December 1st_

Dear Journal,  
Don't you feel that "journal" is a much more manly name than "diary"? "Diary" always reminds me of

girls and "crushes" (at least, that's what Hermione calls them) and that muggle stuff that Ginny likes to wear,

"nail wax" or something. Speaking of girls: why were they created in the first place? Is confusing poor

innocent boys their only purpose in life?

Take Hermione. She yells at me for looking at her homework, but has no problem with "borrowing" my

sweaters and unraveling them to make hats for "spew", excuse me,"S.P.E.W.". And look at Krum. I just know

that git dated her just so that he could take advantage of her. And why was she fraternizing with him

anyway, he's just a foreign bloke from Durmstrang who can't even pronounce her name!

Not that I don't want her to date anyone, of course...heh heh. I'm sure I wouldn't mind if she dated, let's

see...Harry? No! He should be with my baby sister! All right then, maybe Neville? No, he's not good enough

for her, too clumsy. Seamus? No, he's too...er...um...Irish! Yes, that's right! All right, so maybe I wouldn't like

for her to date anyone right now, but that's just because of my brotherly concern for her, right? Wait...

_Harry, stop reading over my shoulder! And why are you laughing? What do you mean, "just ask her out'? _

_Who are you talking about, Lisa Turpin? Well, she is good-looking, with those legs and blonde hair, _

_yeeessss, although I do like brunettes better, and ...why are you shaking your head like that? Well, all _

_right, __if you won't give me a straight answer, then go away! Hey, don't call me that, I'm not an oblivious _

_git! What __would I be oblivious about? _

Good, I'm alone again now, and as I was saying, because of my brotherly affection for Hermione, I have

the right to decide whom she should date. Yes, that's right. After all, I need to protect her. I'm sure Dean's

trying to flirt with her. All right, so maybe he just asked her how to do Sinistra's star charts, but...you never

know! And when Malfoy smirks at her in that ferrety way of his, how can I be sure that he isn't staring at

her...um...assets (not that I would...of course)? And I know I saw Snape looking at her from the staff table a

t breakfast, the greasy pervert! No! They should all just stay away from her, damn it! Because...erm...she

needs to protect honor, right? Yes, and I'm the one to protect her, because I'm her friend and all, heh heh....

Right, need a change of topic now...I know! Quidditch! The Chudley Cannons are doing marvelously

well this season. With a bit of luck, I think that they could actually win a game or two! I know, what if I sign

up with the Chudley Cannons after I finish school? After all, I'm a pretty decent beater. Do you remember

last year when I won the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor? I was the toast of the team! And I remember that

Hermione was so impressed with me, and she...wait. Oops. This is pointless. I think I'll go trounce Harry at

Wizard's Chess for a bit. He needs a bit of distraction from having to defeat You-Know-Who and all. Poor

chap. Anyway, let me find a hiding spot for you (under my pillow, perhaps). All right then, wish me luck with

the next Gryffindor- Slytherin match (slimy bastards).  
  
-Ron

PS: I wonder where Hermione is right now? Gah!

**A/N:** Damn, it got all OOC again. Oh well, we just love Oblivious!Ron too much, we guess. Read and review, 

s'il vous plait. One more thing, don't expect updates to come very frequently for the next week or two,

because we have final exams coming up. NOOOOOOOOOO!

Toodles!


	3. Whiskers look good on him

**Disclaimer**: Ev'rything belongs to Rowling,  
Every last little bit.  
Which is prob'ly why she is worth millions,  
And we, frankly, do not own sh-t.

-

**A/N**: Hi again! It's us, the evil dilettantes from Venus! We don't feel like studying for exams at the moment,so  
  
we wrote another chapter as a pathetic means of rebelling against the education system. And it's working  
  
(not really)! Okay now, a million thanks to Prettiest in Pink (Aw, you're so nice!), Pullmanlover (for being 

such a great reviewer!), Crystal (you lucky girl!), GeekGurl (you like us, you really like us!), Miss Piratess,and

Sailor-Helios (you're great!). And now for a crazed fangirl rant from Sarah:

_Oh my God! Miss Piratess, THE Miss Piratess, the Goddess of fan fiction, actually reviewed our pathetic story! Thank you SO much, your Holiness, for lowering yourself to read this piece of rub- MMPH!_ (Sarah is gagged, put in a straitjacket, and carted off by Sophia to the Eustace X. Frebblemeyer Detention Center for People Incurably Obsessed with Fan Fiction).

Okay -_cough-_, now that that's taken care of, we do want to say that we upped the rating a bit for this  
  
chapter,because of some ahem..."comments" that Hermione makes. Enjoy!

-

**Diary of Hermione Granger, Rescuer of Small, Furry, Animals** **  
  
**_December 8_

__  
  
Dear Diary,

Yes, it's me again. Hermione, _bookworm extraordinaire_, girl who would rather lose a limb than lose a 

point on homework assignments. At least, that's what everyone sees in me. Especially Ron. They all see me

as a walking, talking dictionary/encyclopedia/combination of _every single_ book that exists. Hmm. If I were a

book, what would I be...? No doubt Hogwarts: A History, with 129,909,349.5 footnotes and appendices,

_especially_ designed to bore the hell out of everyone. Such is my _wonderful _life.

Ugh. All right, enough with this depressing spiel. I don't know what brought that on. I am sitting in a

spare classroom, writing, while Ron is trying (_trying_) to properly brew _Citus Potente_, commonly known as

Atalanta's Poison, designed to improve reflexes and muscle coordination, and increase strength and heart

capacity. Why? Because Snape has threatened to fail him if he blows up his cauldron again, like he did in the

last lesson. I honestly don't know why Snape wants us to brew Atalanta's Poison anyway; it sounds rather

like the magical version of steroids. No wonder the Department of Magical Games and Sports has banned

Quiddditch players from using it.

Ron of course, has dragged me along to help him with this little potion- making session, because, I

quote, "When you help me with potions and all, Hermione, it's just like having Snape around, only without

so much grease." Gee, _thanks_, Ron. No wonder I am in such an awful mood. When we first arrived at the

classroom, he wondered why I kept "writing in a teeny little book", but I just told him that I was doing a

special extra-credit project for Flitwick. When he asked why, I couldn't think of a good lie, and like an idiot,

replied, "Because...um...it's Wednesday." What's even worse is that he believed me. He must think me to

have no life other than school! Which is kind of true, now that I think about it. As irritated as I am right now,

I just can't get mad at him because he's just too...too...(damn it, Hermione, just say it!)..._cute_. There, I

admitted it! I think Ron's cute. It is perfectly all right for a girl to think that her friend is cute, right? Right?

Wait, what is Ron putting in his cauldron? Are those dried mouse ears? NO...he's supposed to put in

dried _lice_, not dried _mice_! Oh God, what's happening? He's shrinking...oh, this can't be good, this _can't be _

_good_! He's just vanished into a pile of clothes and...Oh NO....

Ron Weasley has just changed from a 6-foot-tall gangly teenager into a little, reddish, mouse. This is not good...wait, he just ran away!

Mrs. Weasley is going to KILL me...

-

**_Later_**  
I can't find Ron! I've looked everywhere, in the kitchens, in the common room, in the library (though why

he would be there, I have no idea), various classrooms, the Astronomy Tower, _and _Hagrid' hut! Where

could he be? Oh, I do hope that he hasn't been eaten by any animals...  
  
Oh no! CROOKSHANKS! What if he's found Ron? What if he's shredded him to bits? No, RON!!! I

must find Crookshanks _now_!!! I'll save you Ron!!!

-

**_Even Later_**  
I found Crookshanks in my room, and he looked...bloated. I panicked for a moment, and hit my poor kitty

with a Regurgitation Charm. Not a good idea. He vomited all over the dormitory. Now he's really cranky, and

won't come at all near me. Well, at least I didn't find any mouse parts among the...regurgitations, only some

bits of birds. However, my dormitory still smells like Hagrid's "homemade" sausages. Ugh....  
  
Right, I need to find out what Ron has done to his potion. A small trip to the library is in order here...

-  
  
**_A Lot Later_**  
All right, after some major searching in the library, I finally found the cause of Ron's "new look".

Apparently, the idiot accidentally created _Potion Souris_, a draught that turns the drinker into a mouse

(obviously). The only way to reverse the results is to drench the person-turned-mouse in Chanel No. 5 and

then kiss him on the nose. Coco Chanel must have been a witch, since her products are available in the

wizarding world. The wizard who created this potion must have had a _twisted_ sense of humor. Now where am

I going to find Chanel No. 5? Hmm...

I know, Malfoy! That ponce always had too much of a liking for perfume...

-  
  
**_Even More Later..._**  
All right, I borrowed Harry's Invisibility Cloak and snuck into the Slytherin Common Room. Slytherins

are _debauched_! I saw Zabini and Bulstrode French-kissing right in the middle of the common room, and I am

fairly certain that I saw Crabbe and Goyle sneaking behind a pillar to snog. Ugh, that's a disgusting image!

Anyway, I found my way into Malfoy's room. It was lavishly decorated, colored green and silver, and was

covered with several large, moving, pictures of Orlando Blossom, the latest singing sensation in the

wizarding world. Malfoy is even stranger than I originally thought. Sure enough, I found Chanel No. 5

(along with the _entire _Chanel line) and quickly scurried out. Although, I did take along one of his posters,

because Orlando is _so _hot! Yummy...Right, must prevent self from slipping into perverted fantasies and think

of how to find Ron, _now_!  
  
All right, now that I have the key ingredient, how am I supposed to find Ron? Hmm...Oh! I can't believe

that I didn't think of this before! I can use the Marauder's Map! _Brilliant_ thinking, Hermione!

-  
  
**_So Much Later That I am Becoming Sick of Writing "Later" Over and Over Again_**  
Success! Using the Map, I found Ron in Snape's dungeon, of all places, crouching beneath Snape's

desk. After trying fruitlessly for hours to catch Ron (well, at least his reflexes _have_ improved), I finally

Summoned him onto a desk and poured Chanel all over him. What a stench! Ron squeaked loudly and tried

to run back under a desk, but I quickly grabbed him and smacked a big, wet, kiss on his nose...  
  
Well, the cure worked. What I didn't realize is that when Ron morphed back into a human, he would be

naked. Oops. But I can say that Ron has certainly..._grown_. Well, you know what they say about people with

big hands and big feet...

Hermione, get your mind out of the gutter right now! Well, once I had stopped staring, I began taking

off my cloak, so that Ron could have _something_ to cover his privates (Pity. No, must _not_ think like that!).

Unfortunately, at that moment Snape walked in, and saw a stark naked Ron standing in front of his desk, as

well as me apparently removing my clothes.

_He did not react in a positive manner.  
__  
_ To make a long story short, both Ron and I have lost 50 points from Gryffindor for "indecent activities"

and "traumatizing a Head of House". This will _not_ look good on my school record. On the bright side, at

least Ron isn't a mouse anymore! Speaking of which, I must now go yell at him for being such an ignoramus!

Ta-ta!

Affectionately,

_Hermione_

_-_  
  
**A/N**: We really like this chapter, for once, now that we've finished it. It's actually sort of long (for us at least)!

We also wish to say that we do love Draco Malfoy, despite our trashing of him; we have absolutely nothing

against the gay community, and we think that Orlando Bloom is good- looking, in a really girly way, and we

couldn't resist sticking him in the story somehow. Oh yeah, and this fic probably won't contain any pairings

other than R/Hr, because we would really like to simply focus on them. Read and review!

Love, Sarah and Sophia.

PS: Yeah, Hermione sounds pretty American, but we're not good enough at writing fan fiction (yet) to make

her sound British. But we think we're improving, right? Right?

Oh, well, we're trying, anyways : )


	4. Ron's Tale

**Disclaimer**: All characters present in this work are the property of and are copyrighted by J.K. Rowling. The  
  
undersigned are not receiving compensation for the production of the literature in question. Does that  
  
sound legal enough?

-  
  
**A/N**: Yay, we got seventeen reviews! _Squee_!!! A million thanks to HiddenFlame42 (You're great!),   
  
Pullmanlover (for being such a loyal reviewer!), Eva (you're very succinct!), FrighteninglyObssessed (glad   
  
you agree!), Patti Weasley (thanks!), Charles Weatherby (wow, so many "!!"s), KitKat001 (we reviewed   
  
yours), Miss Piratess (best review we've ever received!), Crystal (thank you for appreciating the poem),   
  
Artemisgirl (glad you like!), Original Mercedes Benz, Prettiest in Pink (Thanks!), and Gabe (Love ya!!).

_On a more specific note_: In response to Original Mercedes Benz, we are happy to reassure you that this fic is  
  
not being written by a weirdo who refers to herself as "we", it is being written by TWO weirdoes! Seriously   
  
though: as we've stated before, this fic is a collaboration between Sarah and Sophia, _two separate people_.   
  
Thanks for your review! Okay, we're done rambling. Enjoy, and review please!

-  
  
**Journal of Ronald Bilius Weasley, Person with Embarrassing Middle Name**

_December 9th_

Dear Diary...wait, make that _Journal_,  
  
No, I must not call this record a diary! _I am a manly man_, godammit! Not some _girl_! Or mouse, for that  
  
matter. Yes, I am not a mouse. Anymore, at least. Although I still keep twitching my nose involuntarily in a _  
  
really_ annoying manner. And I still have a hankering for cheese. And I do keep squeaking when I try to   
  
speak. And I keep looking to see where my tail went...   
  
I think I'm going mad. I am going to _kill_ Hermione. _She's_ the one responsible for all this! All right, so I  
  
was the one who put the wrong ingredient in, when she had specifically told me what to add. But she _could_   
  
have flung herself in front of the cauldron and prevented me from adding the mice! Yes, she could have!   
  
And that idiotic piece of parchment was smudged! How was I supposed to know that I was supposed to add

_lice_? Why would anyone want to add lice to a potion anyway? How does Snape collect the lice anyway?   
  
Does he pick them out of his head, or maybe out of the heads of various Slytherins? Ugh, I will not continue   
  
this line of thought.   
  
All right, so maybe it was completely my own fault. But why did I have to become a _mouse_? Why   
  
couldn't I have changed into something more masculine, like...a griffin or a tiger? Why a stupid, tiny, _cute_,   
  
mouse? _Why?_   
  
Well, I'll admit that there was one advantage to becoming a tiny animal that could go anywhere: _I could_

_enter the girls' dorm_. Yes!!! The Ron-man got an eyeful!!   
  
How, you ask? Well, let me tell you the story of my _epic_ adventure. Might as well make it in proper   
  
story format while I'm at it. -_Ahem-_, here goes:

-  
  
**_The Most Marvellous Adventure of Ron the Amazing Mouse, Who Was Really  
  
Quite Handsome and Dashing for a Rodent (How's that for a title, eh?)  
  
_** All right, where to begin? I suppose that I should start with the part when I had just drunk the potion.   
  
That sounds about right.  
  
When I added the final ingredient, which I _thought_ was powdered mice ears, the potion turned the exact   
  
same hue as the guts of an insect that has been squished and left out in the sun for some time. That should   
  
have alerted me from the beginning, I suppose, but Dad's "Cornish Gravy" is exactly the same colour, and I   
  
have to eat that almost every week! So, I simply poured the potion into a flask and gulped the whole   
  
contents. Unlike Dad's cooking, it did _not_ taste as bad as it looked. It tasted even worse.  
  
So, I was waiting to get rippling muscles and amazing athletic powers (Eat your heart out, Harry!),   
  
when I suddenly felt this strange tingling in the tips of my toes. I dismissed this as being the product of   
  
standing still for too long, and closed my eyes in anticipation of becoming the most muscular bloke in school   
(yes!).  
  
When I opened my eyes, everything looked...larger. I seemed to be standing in some sort of forest made

of the legs of gigantic desks. All right, so I did not realize that I was a mouse quite yet. Hey, I was still dizzy   
  
from the transformation, and it's hard to notice that you've suddenly become small, furry, four-legged, and   
  
whiskered, right? Right? Well anyway, the most delicious scent I had ever smelled came wafting through the   
  
enormous door. Ah, I still get chills down my spine every time I think about it. So I naturally took off after   
  
the smell. Also, there seemed to be someone shrieking in the classroom I'd just left...it was probably just the   
  
wind.  
I raced off after the glorious scent, marvelling at my speed. I had probably made the potion extra well!  
  
Anyway, the scent seemed to lead, thankfully, into Gryffindor Tower. I yelled at the strangely enormous   
  
(well, more than usual) Fat Lady to let me in, but she didn't seem to hear me. For some reason, my voice also   
  
sounded like a squeak. I must have been finally reaching puberty! So, I jumped in while Neville was   
  
struggling through the portrait hole, coming ever closer to the source of my desire. Hey, that sounded like a   
  
sentence from one of those romance novels that Hermione pretends to not like! I am a manly, swoon-  
  
inducing, stud! Right, um, back to the story.  
  
Anyways, I followed the scent up to the girls' dorm. Now that I think about it, why didn't the staircase   
  
turn into a slide? Maybe male mice don't count as being boys... I ran through the open door, and what I saw   
  
is probably a red-blooded male's wildest fantasy. Go me!!  
  
Parvati, Lavender, and some of the other girls were having one of those "sleepover" parties, in which   
  
they squeal and giggle enough to keep us boys awake all night. I _hated_ those parties. However, I found out   
  
Gryffindor girls also like to try on each other's dresses at "sleepovers", meaning that they were naked! Oh,   
  
yessss!!! Well, semi-naked actually, but hey, I wasn't compaining! God, Parvati and Lavender have _great _  
  
breasts! (The authors would like to say here that they will not go into more detail about this encounter,   
  
because they are getting nauseous)  
  
It was only then that I noticed the source of the scent: apparently the girls had ordered party hors   
  
d'oeuvres from Madame Leona's House of Cheese. Heaven! I would have had a go at the food right then and

there, but I unfortunately realized two things: 1) The girls were looking awfully tall, and 2) They had just   
  
noticed me. There is only one sound in this world that is more piercing than a girl's scream: the sound of   
  
twenty girls screaming all at once.  
  
My ears, my poor ears! I darted down the stairs, only to realize that I wasn't a very coordinated mouse.   
  
I ended up tumbling head-over- heels down into the common room, and landing at the foot of a large, ornate   
  
mirror.  
  
When the room stopped spinning, I glanced into the mirror, only to see a gigantic red mouse! I   
  
screamed (in a manly way, of course), because I happen to greatly dislike mice. No, I am not afraid of them.   
  
Really, I'm not. Stop looking at me like that! Then, I finally noticed that the mouse seemed to be exactly the   
  
same size as me, and mimicked my movements. I am proud to say that I finally understood that I was a furry   
  
rodent at the time. See, I really am observant! Once I got over my shock, I realized that hey! This could be _a   
  
great prank opportunity..._  
  
I snuck into the Slytherin common room, using my most excellent. I only knocked over two vases,   
  
three statues of scary-looking Slytherins, and a pot containing some kind of flesh-eating plant! At least,   
  
that's what it seemed like. It started crawly all over various people and leaving suspicious red marks on their   
  
necks. Or perhaps those were hickeys. Ugh. Anyway, I lurked in the shadows, looking for an opportunity to   
  
strike my deadly blows. I make a very good James Bond, you know. Once, I believe I felt a breeze rush by me,

as though Harry was using his Invisibility Cloak...no, it couldn't have been anyone. By using my ultra-super   
  
spy skills, I managed to listen to the following conversation between Pansy and Blaise:  
  
_ "Hey look! Malfoy's got a girl! And he's taking her up to his (giggle) room!"  
  
"Lucky bastard. That's the third girl this week! And it's Mellissandra Regina Anorexia too! I've been   
  
trying to get her for months!"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Heh heh, just kidding Pansy!"  
  
"All right, let's continue snogging then!"_

By that point, I felt that I had better stop listening before I vomited all over the green-and-silver carpet.  
  
However, Malfoy _was_ on the staircase, talking to an extremely pretty girl with silky raven-black hair. Why   
  
does he always get the pretty girls? Grrr. Then, I had, in my humble opinion, one of the best ideas I had ever   
  
had in my life...  
  
As Malfoy flirted with Melissa What's-her-name, I hid under Malfoy's enormous bed. Soon, the "happy   
  
couple" walked into the room. And then, Malfoy just...started removing his clothing! I will be traumatized for

life! I felt that action needed to be taken _soon_. As the ferret began removing his shirt in a "sexy" (eugh!)   
  
manner, I crawled onto his leg.  
  
Ah, his reaction will be treasured in my memory for years to come... Malfoy actually started _screaming_,   
  
in this really high girly voice too! He then _tried_ to jump onto the bed. Unfortunately, he got tangled up in his

stupid silk shirt, tripped, and knocked himself out on the bedpost. Priceless, just priceless! What's really   
  
strange is that his date didn't even blink. She just stole all of his "Orlando Blossom" posters, made a sound   
  
like, "squeee!" and left. She's rather strange, really.  
  
I was feeling very pleased with myself as I left the Slytherins. Unfortunately, as I was leaving, a few of   
  
those disgusting Slytherin first- years noticed me and started chasing me around and trying to step on me.   
  
Not pleasant, to say the least. I promise myself, from this point onwards, that I will never harass small   
  
animals again, and will put all my energy into harassing Slytherins. Amen. Anyways, started running as fast   
  
as I possible could, and ducked into the first room I could find. Which turned out to be Snape's dungeon.   
  
Great. Just great.  
  
At that point, my mouse-y instincts kicked in, and the only thing I could think of doing was to hide   
  
under Snape's desk. Yes, pathetic, I know. But hey, I'm sure that I would have figured out some _brilliant_   
  
plan to turn me back into a human, right? Well, I then saw a pair of feet coming towards my hiding spot. I am   
  
pleased to say that I used my lightning-mouse reflexes to prevent the owner of the feet from catching me.   
  
Then, of course, he got me with a spell. Dammit. Then, I looked up, and saw that the feet belonged to my   
  
dear, sweet, darling Hermione, whom I love...wait, as a _friend_ of course! Heh.  
  
Right. Hermione then drenched me in this _perfectly awful_-smelling stuff, which she now tells me is   
  
actually quite expensive. I will never understand girls. And then...she kissed me. Hermione. Granger. Kissed.   
  
Me. I still don't know how to react to that. She told me that it was part of the cure, but I still feel all tingly   
  
about it for some reason. I must be coming down with something. Yes, that must be it.   
  
At that point, I got my own body back! I was ecstatic, until I realized that I wasn't wearing   
  
anything...not even my favourite Quidditch boxers. And I was in front of _Hermione_, too! I could just _tell_ that

she was laughing at me! Or she was horrified. No, she wouldn't react that way. Would she? I hope she didn't

see anything...  
  
Of course, Snape chose that exact moment to walk into the dungeon. Stupid Snape.  
  
Well, at least I'm back to my old self once again. Although I keep twitching uncontrollably every time I   
  
smell that Channel stuff. Gah. And, Hermione kissed me! Not that it, um, matters, of course. Yeah, should   
  
stop right now.

Signed,

Ron

PS: But she kissed me! No! _Must...stop...thinking...about...that...!_

-  
  
**A/N**: This fic is now officially dedicated to our dear, sweet, darling Gabe, who is leaving us to go to some   
  
god-awful private school. He shall be greatly missed by us and the female population of our high school.   
  
However, the guys will probably be happy to get some attention from the girls at last! Gabe, we love you.   
  
-Sarah and Sophia


	5. Time to aim the arrows of looove

**Disclaimer:** All characters are solely the property of JK Rowling. The authors of this story are not receiving  
  
any compensation for their work.  
-  
  
**A/N**: Wow. _20_ reviews? That's crazy! Why are people bothering to review this? Well, we feel special,  
  
anyways. Our sincerest thanks to Pullmanlover (you are so great!), PopcornLeader ("to bits?" Wow!),   
  
KitKat001 (Thanks!), SiriusLivesOn (Brilliant? That's so nice!), Crystal (yeah, Ron will probably stay in   
  
denial for a while), Sra-Grint (Brazil? Cool!!), Sailor-Helios (We're flattered!), Squidward (Your story is so   
  
great!), Akasha Weasley (Gee...we're that good?), NC Psychick (your review made us smile), "A   
  
Reader" (You recognized that we're girls! Thanks!), Miss Piratess (As ever, we're indebted to you), Charles   
  
Weatherby (We love him too), Mimi, HiddenFlame42 (You died laughing? We're sorry!), HarryPotter2202   
  
(Thanks!), Prettiest in Pink (Hope you like!), and to Original Mercedes Benz (Glad we could keep you   
  
amused!). You guys rock! Or you girls, really. We frankly doubt that any guys are reading this. _On a more   
  
specific note_: In response to a review by "MIMI", we wish to tell you that we are considering your idea, and   
  
we're trying to see if we can work it into the story a little. Thanks! All right, here's the fic! Enjoy!

-  
  
**Diary of Hermione Granger, Resident "Miss Match" of Hogwarts  
**  
_December 9th, Morning._

Dear Diary,  
  
It's me again, Hermione. Yesterday has been utter hell. Ron was convinced for the longest time that  
  
I was completely at fault for his transformation into a mouse. Ron simply made the potion, added the wrong   
  
ingredient, and drank it anyways, _that's all_. Honestly. I really don't know why I put up with him sometimes.   
  
Oh, _that's right_ Hermione, you "find him attractive and loveable, but in an _entirely_ platonic way...of course!"

I'm pathetic.  
  
Well, he's finally "forgiven" me, at least. Although, he keeps blushing every time I come near him. I can't

_think_ why. Is it because I kissed him while he was a mouse? No, that couldn't have affected him that   
  
strongly...could it?

_Sigh_. It couldn't have, he thinks of me only as a _sister_. He spent all of last night telling me about his   
  
little escapade in the girls' dormitory. I now know more about Lavender and Parvati's lingerie than I know   
  
about my own! He kept _drooling_ too, the perverted little voyeur. He has no right to look at other women! _  
  
None at all_! Well...he doesn't, so there!

Right, that's _enough _about Ron now, Hermione! Let's see here...ah, Harry! I don't think that he's feeling   
  
very well, poor dear. He's been distracted for weeks, gazing off into space for _hours_ at a time, and getting   
  
really snappish if anyone interrupts him from his stupor. If I didn't know him better, I'd say that he was in _  
  
love_! No, Harry can't be in love, that's _silly_. He must be thinking about You Know Wh- wait, _Voldemort_   
  
again. Oh, poor Harry, I must really think of a way to cheer him up. He seems very nervous around Ron, too.   
  
I wonder why? The only reason I can think of is if he's dating Ginny...no, he wouldn't do that without Ron's   
  
permission, Ron would _kill_ him! Come to think of it, Ron would kill him if he _does_ ask for permission, too.   
  
He's really getting too protective of that girl. Hmm. You know, I think it would be good for Harry if he had a   
  
girlfriend...wait, that's it! I'll write more later, I need to talk to Ron now!

-  
  
**_Later  
_**  
Well, everything's set. _Operation Cupid_, or as Ron likes to call it, _Operation Get Harry a Girl Because   
  
the Poor Sod Needs Someone Pretty Who Will Adore Him and Depend on Him for Everything and Enhance   
  
His Masculinity_, is underway. Needless to say, Ron got a slap for his operation title. He will walk around   
  
with a mark on his cheek for a fortnight. Ha!  
  
Right, back to the plan. It is now our most noble mission to get Harry...a girlfriend. Of course, Ron   
  
protested. "But Hermione," he said, "what if Harry doesn't want a girl? And can't he find one on his own, if   
  
he wants one? Besides, I am not risking my manly image to run around playing _matchmaker_!" Ha! That's   
  
ridiculous! _Of course_ Harry wants a girlfriend! And believe me, if necessary, I will make Ron sing love songs   
  
while twanging a harp! And in front of the whole school, too! And Harry _will_ be happy, because I will make   
  
him so! _So there_!!!   
  
Whoops, got carried away a bit. But now, to the first order of business: who shall court Harry's   
  
affections? Lavender? No, too bubble-brained. Parvati? No, he didn't like her when they went to the Yule Ball

together. Ginny...wait, Ron would never agree of course. Hmm, this requires serious thought. Let's see, we   
  
need someone whom Harry likes, is most definitely available, and isn't older than him (don't want to repeat   
  
that incident with Cho)...Luna! Of course! She definitely seemed to have a rapport with Harry last year. But   
  
how to bring them together? Must consult Ron for ideas!

-  
  
**_Very Late At Night_**  
  
Well, we spent all day trying to make Harry and Luna realize the mutual attraction that I'm sure they   
  
feel for each other. I don't think that the results were all that promising, frankly. However, I'm sure that the   
  
Gryffindors will remember today's events for quite some time...  
  
Stage One of Operation Cupid was quite simple, really. I found Luna in the halls, staring dreamily at   
  
the air. I knew that I had to converse with her, and _subtly_ bring the conversation around to Luna's love life   
  
without arousing her suspicion:  
  
_ "So Luna, are you seeing someone?"  
_   
All right, so I wasn't that subtle. Hey, I was nervous! Anyway, I don't think Luna quite understood   
  
what I meant. She just looked at me blankly with those enormous grey eyes of hers and replied, "Yes, I see   
  
an Invisible Spinning White-tailed Grizblat right above your head. Let me catch it!" I then spent the next five   
  
minutes watching her while she ran around snatching at air. Honestly. I finally managed to stop her, only to   
  
have her inform me that she had just broken up with Michael Corner, of all people. That boy is all over the   
  
place! Encouraged by this, I ordered, I mean, _requested _her to come to the Gryffindor Common Room that   
  
evening so that I could enact (drumroll, please) Stage Two.  
  
After my successful data-gathering mission, I forced Ron to question Harry, despite his strong   
  
protests ("But that will make me look like a _girl,_ Hermione!"). I hid behind a pillar while they talked, and this   
  
is their god-forsaken conversation in its entirety:  
  
_ "So, er, Harry (cough)."  
"Yes, Ron?"  
"Are you, er, **with** anyone?"  
"What?"  
"You know, with anyone?"   
"What do you mean Ron? And why are you waggling your eyebrows like that?"  
"Never mind."_  
  
God. Boys are such _idiots_! Well, at least it seemed that Harry was manoeuvrable as well. The plan   
  
seemed to be progressing fairly smoothly...at the time.  
  
Well, I found Luna outside the portrait-hole that evening, looking lost, and brought her up to the girl's   
  
dorm. Waiting there were Lavender and Parvati, with what looked like the entire make-up department of   
  
Harrods's. Only, I don't think that the lipstick and eye shadow over there dance around on the tables and in   
  
the air, and then try to attack you. I got quite covered with sparkly powder and gloss. Ugh. And the little   
  
bints _enjoyed _seeing me upset! "_Remember, Hermione_," they said in these sickeningly saccharine voices,   
  
"_In return for giving Luna a makeover, you have to do our homework for a week, and let us give you a   
  
makeover_ _too!"_ Those girls drove a _hard _bargain. And why did they want to cover me with the stuff, too? I   
  
am perfectly happy with my appearance, _thank you very much_.  
  
Anyways, Parvati immediately began covering Luna's face with some sort of magical powder, while   
  
Lavender began applying some hideous mauve- coloured cream on my face. After what seemed like hours   
  
and hours, they stopped "making us pretty", and forced us to wear some of their god-awful skimpy clothing.

I remember that Luna wore a rose-colored skirt and blouse set, which actually looked rather pretty on her.   
  
However, the little sadists made me wear an _extremely_ low cut blouse, and a leather miniskirt. That's right! _  
  
Leather_! It was _horribly_ confining, too. No matter how much I argued and begged and pleaded with them to   
  
leave me alone, they kept squealing, "but you'll look so _pretty_!!!!" and refused. When they were finally   
  
finished, Luna looked lovely. Her hair was much less straggly, and the make-up enhanced her grey eyes   
  
quite nicely. The out-of-it look on her face kind of ruined the effect, though. Still, her transformation was   
  
nothing compared to mine. They had streaked my hair with blonde, and it tumbled in smooth waves over my   
  
shoulders. My features seemed flawless, and the clothes fitted to my form exactly and showed off my   
  
curves. I looked like a complete _slut_.   
  
Unfortunately, Parvati and Lavender seemed to think otherwise, judging by the way they kept   
  
cooing over me. They refused to let me change, and I had to enter the common along with Luna, looking as   
  
though I had just escaped from The Eager Kneazle in Hogsmeade. As we walked down the stairs, all   
  
conversation in the room stopped. Soon, agitating whispering, punctuated with wolf-whistles, filled the   
  
room. _It was the most embarrassing moment of my life._ Gathering up what was left of my dignity, I stalked to   
  
an armchair, and hid myself behind the largest book I could find. Mark my words; I am going to kill Lavender   
  
and Parvati. _Kill them_!   
  
Finally, I came out of my shell enough to see if Harry had noticed Luna. Unfortunately, his eyes,   
  
along with the eyes of almost every male in the common room, were fixated on me. Ugh, I still shudder to   
  
think of it. Luna was happily and obliviously chatting with Neville a few feet away from him. In a desperate   
  
ploy to get the two together, I got up casually walked towards Luna, and in an extremely _discreet_ manner,   
  
shoved her into Harry. Hey, I was desperate! Did the ploy work? Nope. Harry and Luna just exchanged   
  
confused glances, glared at me, and went their separate ways. Why are all my friends so _oblivious_? Finally, I

gave up and sprinted up the stairs to hide myself in the dorms, followed by the sounds of cheering and yells   
  
of, "Nice arse!" I managed to sneak a glance at Ron before I left; he was staring goggle-eyed at me, but   
  
reddened and quickly turned away when I met his glance. Hey, does that mean that he likes me? Wait...no,   
  
he can't, he's blinded by every piece of arse that comes his way. Gah.   
  
Well, it took me quite a few hours, but I managed to scrape all the war paint and dye off my hair   
  
and face. Perhaps my regular attire isn't nearly as appealing as the slut ensemble, but it matches who I am.   
  
Besides, anyone who cares about looks over personality will _not_ be a friend of mine.   
  
After doing so, I decided to put Plan B into effect. When Harry sat down to eat at the Great Hall,   
  
Icast a nifty little spell I knew, which was supposed to make Harry get up in the middle of the Hall, loudly   
  
declare his love for Luna, and start singing "Fly Me to the Moon"? _Sigh_. Isn't the very idea romantic? What   
  
was that spell called again? _Musicalis Sinatra Lieces_? Wait, no, that's for "The Lady is a Tramp". Ah, yes, _  
  
Musicalis Sinatra Lunares_, the spell of love. Sure, it would have been hideously embarrassing for Harry, but

I'm sure Luna would have loved it...if it had worked.

Anyways, while Harry was obliviously eating his steak, I began performing the intricate wand   
  
work required for the spell. Everything seemed to be going perfectly. Trust Seamus and Dean to then get   
  
into a food fight, splattering dinner all over the place. _Damn you, Murphy's Law_! I got hit in the face with   
  
peas, so my final incantation sounded something like "_Musicalis Sinatra Lunareeeee_!" To my surprise,   
  
Harry stopped dead while cramming potatoes into his mouth and mechanically stood up. He then began   
  
walking across the Hall, and stopped in front of...Ginny. Whoops. I must have aimed the spell wrong while   
  
scraping smashed peas off my nose. Ignoring the sudden silence, Harry cleared his throat and opened his   
  
mouth to sing. I closed my eyes, preparing for a swoon-inducing (squee!) rendition of Sinatra. Instead, Harry

began singing, "I feel pretty! I feel witty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!" in a _very_ high falsetto. To make   
  
things worse, he seemed to have made up a little dance to go with the song, consisting mainly of twirling   
  
and batting his eyelashes. Ron looked like he was about to have a fit of apoplexy. Everyone else seemed to   
  
be enjoying the show though, especially the Slytherins, judging by their snickering. Harry _is_ awfully good at

turning pirouettes.

After a few minutes, I finally remembered the counter-spell. If I weren't so horrified at the   
  
time, I would have found the expression on Harry's face quite funny. I believe he is going to be blackmailed   
  
about this for the rest of his life. Well, I _am _doing this for _his_ _own_ _good_, so I have the right to embarrass him.

_Right_? Don't answer that. Needless to say, he is _not _very happy with me at the moment. Which is probably   
  
why I'm hiding in a broom-closet while writing this. Wait, I can hear footsteps coming towards the closet...is   
  
that Harry's voice I hear? _Shit_! Must escape!  
  
-  
  
_-"Harry! How are you? Heh, heh. Now Harry, don't get upset, I have a reasonable explanation for all of this...Harry James Potter put that down right now! Yes, you're right this would be a good time to ruuuun...!"-  
  
-_  
  
**_Later  
_**  
Am now cowering in the common room beneath Harry's invisibility cloak, which I "borrowed". I am   
  
cramped, tired, and scared. _Lovely_. Wait, Harry's just come in, do I have to run again? And Ginny's with him,   
  
what's Ginny doing in the common room at this hour? Oh, God. They're kissing! They're KISSING! This is _so_   
  
embarrassing! He's been dating someone all along? And _Ginny_, at that? I am going to _kill_ Ginny! No, I am   
  
going to kill _Harry_! Wait, Ron is going to kill Harry! No, wait; Harry is going to kill us for trying to set him up

and....am getting a little confused. _God, how am I supposed to keep Ron from killing Harry_??? Need do

some serious thinking here. Will write more later.   
  
Love,   
  
_Hermione_

_-  
_  
**A/N**: _Sigh_. Yeah, we know. We told you that there probably wouldn't be any pairings other than   
  
Ron/Hermione. We just _couldn't_ resist, sorry. We thought that we'd work in a pairing that we actually liked,   
  
before we snapped and did something really squicky, like make Harry pair up with Hagrid. _Ugh_, we are now   
  
disgusted for thinking of that. We'd like to also mention that the "Eager Kneazle" was our silly little reference

to "Striptease", which we, um, haven't seen at all! Yeah! That's all for now. Review please!  
  
With love,   
  
Sarah and Sophia


	6. Ron gets a shock, poor baby

**Disclaimer**: We wish to shamelessly reuse our earlier disclaimer:   
Ev'rything belongs to Rowling,   
Every last little bit.   
Which is prob'ly why she is worth millions,   
And we, frankly, do not own sh-t.  
  
**A/N**: We are extremely proud of ourselves for getting this chapter up on time, because Sarah had to go to mechanic camp all week. Yes, mechanic camp. She won't say anymore, except that she has blisters and bruises in some _extremely_ strange places. Okay now, our heartfelt thanks to KitKat001 (ooh, we hope you didn't get in trouble), Charles Weatherby (could you get back to us on our beta offer?), Poppincorn (Oh, believe, we'll write plenty), Pullmanlover (well, we do like H/L pairings, but we like H/G better), Krissi (we're flattered), Artemisgirl (glad you like), Sailor- Helios (We love those little faces! And don't worry, Harry will survive, with luck), Squidward (thanks!), NC Psychick (Shanktastic? Cool word!), Prettiest in Pink (you're welcome!), PopcornLeader (Um, we're guessing you were amused? Lol), RH4ever (thanks!), Miss Piratess (we completely agree), SiriuslyDelirious (hope your knee feels better), PepperStepper16 (welcome aboard!), Luthien Anwaman (Glad you're back!), HiddenFlame42 (Wow...we're honoured!), and to Akasha Weasley (Glad you think so). We love you guys! Okay, on to the story. Enjoy!  
  
**Diary of Ronald Weasley: "Private Eye" Extraordinaire**  
  
_December 15_  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
Something strange is happening here, I _kno_w it. I have always prided myself on being an  
  
_extremely_ conscious and observant person. Impressive sentence, no? Hermione uses these   
  
words all the time to describe me! Only, she seems to include the word "not" before the words,   
  
for some reason. Why?  
  
Anyways, Hermione and Harry certainly have been acting odd lately. I asked Hermione   
  
about "Operation Cupid" yesterday, and instead of launching into a tirade, she just said, "Er,   
  
Ron, why don't we let Harry choose whom he wants to date?" and hid herself behind one of her

books. Only Hermione would use "whom" in her "everyday language". That's why I lo..._like _  
  
her! That's what I meant to say! Wait, where was I?   
  
Right...she simply _gave up_ on the operation! The day that Hermione gives up on   
  
something is the day that Ginny dates Harry! Which is _never_, in case you're wondering, as long   
  
as _I_ have a say in the matter, and I'm Ginny's _brother_! And now all of a sudden Hermione is   
  
willing to Harry _make his own decisions_...something is _definitely _wrong here. It's a pity; really,   
  
I had spent all of last Wednesday practicing my "I am very interested in what you are saying. _  
  
Really_!" look in preparation for her latest lecture on how to screw with Harry's life.  
  
And then, I noticed that Harry hasn't been using his bed for the past few weeks! Ah,   
  
he's obviously getting _laid_, the lucky bastard! I wonder who the lucky girl is...probably some   
  
bint that's attached herself to him because of his fame. She's probably a real whore, too, to sleep

with him like that. Good thing that no one in the Weasley family is like that!  
  
Although, I still don't get why that would have had such a big effect on Harry's   
  
behaviour. Every time I come _near _him now, he gets this "I'm so terrified that I will wet myself"   
  
look on his face. Is You-Know-Who constantly behind me or something? And why does he   
  
keep muttering, "Don't hurt me, don't hurt me"? Why would I hurt Harry? He's my best friend!   
  
Unless of course, he was doing something with Ginny or Hermione, then I would _kill_ him! I   
  
know that he _can't_ be interested in Ginny, because he hasn't asked me for permission to date   
  
her, but Hermione_...oh no, oh no...  
_   
Shit! _Harry's dating_ _Hermione!_ NOOO! I will _kill_ Harry! I will murder him in cold   
  
blood! I will do unspeakable things to him!_ I must cause him pain!_ How dare he even _come_

_near_ Hermione! He does not have a right to date her! _She's mine!!!!!  
_   
Wait...she's not mine. Hell, she never was. I never got the chance to tell her that I   
  
lo..._liked _her. Ron, you are such an _idiot_!  
  
Well, now Harry's got her. Damn Harry. And they were dating all this time, behind my   
  
back! "Operation Cupid" must have been a cover-up for their..._activities_! What should I do _  
  
now_???  
  
Wait, Ron, _calm down_, take deep breaths... Hermione said to not jump to conclusions, so   
  
must, er, _analyse _the situation. Maybe they're _not_ dating...no, they have to be! I practically have

proof..._that's_ _it_! I need solid proof to show that my best friends have been dating without telling   
  
me. I need to...catch them in the act! Well, maybe not _that_ act, I don't wish to be traumatized   
  
forever, thank you. Maybe I'll discover them when they're _kissing_ (ugh, bad image!), instead.   
  
Yes, I shall become..._Inspector Ron_, and Harry shall be sorry!! _Ha_!! And Hermione shall be   
  
sorry, because she should have dated m- _someone better_!  
  
Right, down to business.

-   
  
**_Midday  
_**  
My stomach hurts. I have discovered more snogging couples than I care to think about.   
  
Who knew that the people in Hogwarts were so..._horny_? I have worked exh-exhau- wait, I   
  
know the word- _exhaustively_ (ha!) all morning.  
  
Let's see, what are the results of my search? Right, I found Parvati with Seamus in a

corner of the Great Hall, Padma Patil with Dean under a table, Lavender with Neville behind the

greenhouses (what, even _Neville_ gets more action than me?), Lavender with Seamus in the   
  
Quidditch Pitch (do Lavender and Parvati trade snog partners?), Pansy Parkinson and Blaise   
  
Zabini in the dungeons (on Snape's _desk_, no less), and...and...damn, must work up the courage   
  
to write this..._Crabbe and Goyle_, right after lunch! Good thing that there was a convenient   
  
bathroom nearby, in which I could vomit my brains out. That wasn't even the most traumatizing   
  
thing that I saw! I was on my way to the Infirmary to get myself Memory Charmed after...the _  
  
incident_, and then I heard sounds coming from the prefect's bathroom. _Naturally_, I went inside   
  
the bathroom to see if Harry and Hermione were in there. It's _good_ to be a prefect! Instead, I   
  
saw Malfoy with Terry Boot and Cho Chang and that Mary-Sue girl and they were all in the   
  
pool and...don't want to think about it any more, _don't want to think about it any more!  
_   
So, I am sitting in the Common Room, trying to foist my trauma onto my diary, no, _  
  
journal_. You know, maybe I should just give up the search. I certainly don't seem to be having   
  
any luck...wait. What's that sound? It seems to be coming from behind one of the curtains...is Sir

Nicholas fixing his cuff again? Wait, I definitely hear Harry's voice, he must be with someone!   
  
Yes, I can see the outline of two people there. _Harry is going down..._

_-  
  
_**_Very Late At Night  
_**  
I am in shock. I am still in shock. I have been in shock for the last eight hours. In order to   
  
get out of shock, I have decided to tell my journal the reason why I am in shock, and perhaps   
  
then...it can be in shock, too!  
  
Yes, that is a _very_ good idea. All right, so I used my ultra-super stealth skills to sneak up   
  
next to the happy couple, and then I yanked off the curtain with a big flourish...and got myself   
  
tangled in it. When I managed to get out, I shouted, "_A-HA_!" in what I felt was an extremely   
  
suave manner. Yes, I am truly gifted.  
  
Then, I sort of lost my temper. Well, _anyone_ would! I then began shouting, "Harry! How _  
  
dare_ you ruin Hermione's virtue! How _dare_ you sneak around with her! And _Hermione_! How   
  
could you do this to me!!!! How could you sleep with him!! How could you..."  
  
At this point, I actually _looked_ at the people I was shouting at, and...it _wasn't_ Harry and   
  
Hermione. Instead, I saw a petrified looking Harry, with his arms around...my sister. And I was _  
  
happy_ that it was my sister! I must truly be going insane. In fact, I _did_ go insane.  
  
I seriously screamed, no, _yelled_ in happiness, and hugged them both, all while shouting,   
  
"Thank _God_, Harry! You're dating Ginny! I am going to _kill_ you once this sinks in, but you're _  
  
not dating Hermione_!" I think that Harry fainted at that point.  
  
Then, Hermione came rushing in, along with what looked like all of Gryffindor House. She

had probably heard the earlier conversation. I think everyone within 50 miles of us heard too.  
  
I was never so happy to see someone in my life. Unfortunately, she didn't look very happy

to see me. This was confirmed when she started yelling, "_RON WEASLEY!! How dare you   
  
think that you could regulate my dates! I can date anyone I damn want to! No one tells me_

_what to do! NO ONE! What makes you think that you can??_"  
  
Yep, she was kind of mad. Then, I think my brain shut down, since I shouted back,   
  
"_BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!!!!",_ to the astonishment of everyone, myself included. Like I said   
  
before, I had gone into shock, so I did the only thing I could think of doing. _I kissed her.  
_   
Looking back, I think that everyone started yelling encouragement to me, and the resident   
  
gossips of Gryffindor were having a field day. I wasn't paying attention of course, because _I was_

_kissing Hermione_!!! I pulled back from the kiss, only to see the shocked and petrified look on   
  
Hermione's face. That did _not_ bode well for me.

-  
  
**_TBC_**

**_-  
_**  
**A/N:** Hmm, we _think_ that we'll just stop here for now. Muahaha! Don't worry you all; we'll have the final (yes, _final_) chapter up next week. _Shameless plug_: if you sort of like our style of writing, look out for our next project, entitled "It's True Love, Right?" Can you see a pattern in our naming of stories? Don't worry, R/Hr shippers, although the story may seem like it's D/Hr at first, it is definitely R/Hr. Okay, now review please, feedback is greatly appreciated.

Love,

Sarah and Sophia


	7. In which Hermione goes bonkers

**Disclaimer**: All characters mentioned are solely the property of JK Rowling, except for "that Mary-Sue girl", who we own, unfortunately.  
  
**A/N**: This chapter was _extremely_ difficult to write. Sarah had to write it completely by herself, since Sophia is moving right now. Hope you don't see a major drop in quality or anything! Okay now, many thanks to **Pullmanlover** (We like Oblivious!Ron too!), **Miss** **Piratess** (No, we couldn't resist), **luvmenot** (thank you!), **Squidward** (Well, not yet...), **Charles** **Weatherby** (You're the best, Laur!), **Sailor-Helios** (You guessed right!), **Portmanroxsmysoxs** (Thanks!), **Poky** (Welcome aboard!), **Mexflower3** (We're flattered!), **Artemisgirl** (Conniptions? Oy...), **KitKat001** (Yes, we're evil!), **Pline** (Well, you'll see how it turns out...), **NC** **Psychick** (Thanks! And YES! We love evil cliffies!), **PepperStepper16** (Thanks for checking out our other story!), **Yellow** **Brick** **Road** (luv ya, Alex!), and to **The Ever Loveable Snuffles** (Thanks, fellow fangirl!). And an extra special thanks to those who reviewed our other fic! We love you guys! Okay, on with the FINAL CHAPTER (drum roll)...

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**Diary of Hermione Granger: "Smart, Yet Amazingly Oblivious"**

_December 16th _

Dear Diary,  
  
You know, despite being a "know-it-all", I seem to be quite depressing oblivious towards things that are

right in front of my face. Last night, I made a big mistake, and very nearly lost someone who could be the   
  
love of my life. But I guess I'm getting ahead of myself, so let me tell you what happened in excruciating   
  
detail so that you can laugh at my idiocy. _Sigh_.  
  
Where to begin? I guess I should start at the part where Ron and I were having the fight. God, I don't   
  
even know why we were fighting in the first place, it seems to be a natural reflex around Ron, you know?   
  
And then we were shouting, my anger was rising by the second, and then...he said that he loved me. Or   
  
shouted it, really. Honestly, Ron can never be romantic about _anything_. But then he...he kissed me. And I   
  
honestly had no idea what to do. I should have melted in his arms right then and there, but my anger was   
  
still swirling inside of me, combined with frustration, and confusion, and shock, and happiness and...I   
  
couldn't _handle_ all those feelings! And then there was this..._pulsating_ mass of people all around us,   
  
shouting things like, "Way to score, Ron!" and "I knew that you were going to get together all along!" and   
  
worst of all, "How could you both be so _stupid_?" I mean, how _dare_ they think that I'm stupid? How _could_ I   
  
be unaware of something of this magnitude? It was against everything I stand for! I grew more and more   
  
disoriented, and then...I _snapped_. I looked at Ron, who was standing there with this _smirk_ on his face (which

I know realize was just a bemused smile, poor Ron), and then..._I slapped him_. I actually slapped him! The   
  
sound just seemed to echo across the room, and then...I ran away. I ran towards my dorm as fast as I could,   
  
where I could be away from the noise and the confusion and the unfamiliar feelings. "I'm _Hermione   
  
Granger_!" I kept repeating to myself, "I'd know if I was in love with Ron! I can't be in love, I simply _can't_!" I   
  
flung myself onto my bed and cried in great gulping sobs that shook the room. I wish I could cry elegantly.  
  
I stayed there for what seemed like ages, letting all my frustrations pour out of me. There seemed to be a   
  
great deal of noise coming from the common room, as though several people were shouting at once. I cast a   
  
Silencing Charm around my bed. After some time, I felt a warm weight sink down next to me, and a smooth   
  
hand upon my shoulder. I looked up. Ginny was sitting there, an oddly pitying expression evident on her   
  
face. "The place is in an uproar," she said quietly, "Ron's in his dorm. Harry says he won't talk to anyone.   
  
Will you go see him?"  
  
I scanned her features. The girl practically _radiated _sincerity. But _no_, I simply could not face reality. I   
  
shook my head and buried myself under the covers so that I wouldn't have to see the expression on her face.

It was a long time before I finally felt her leave.  
  
Then, I felt a strange stinging pain in my heart, thinking about how Ron must be feeling. "But it's _not_   
  
true!" I told myself angrily. "How could I be love with Ron? I'm in love with Viktor!" _'But you haven't seen   
  
Viktor for years.'_ a treacherous inner voice reminded me, _'and the few letters you exchange are the letters   
  
exchanged by pen pals, not lovers.'_ I considered this information for a few minutes. "But Luna! Doesn't Ron   
  
fancy her?" _'He merely considers her a friend,'_ the voice replied implacably, _'it's always you whom he gazes   
  
at.'_ Floored by this new insight, I finally managed to weakly state, "But we _argue_ all the time!" _'Harry   
  
always did say that you argued like an old married couple'_ the voice replied, with a hint of amusement.   
  
Yes, there I was, having arguments with myself like a loon.  
  
But I was finally convinced. "Oh my God, what have I _done_?" I whispered to the empty room, cursing   
  
myself for my ill-considered acts. Then, the old Granger stubbornness kicked in. "I got myself into this mess,

and I'll get myself out of it!" I resolved, "Operation Cupid is coming back..._for myself_."  
  
With that, I leaped out of my bed and ran into the common room. I sprinted towards the staircase   
  
leading to the boys' dorms, pushing people out of my way without a thought. I ran up the steps, taking two   
  
at a time...only to hear a loud siren going off. With that, the stairs abruptly turned into a slide, and I slid   
  
speedily down the stairs, landing in an ungraceful heap on the floor. Apparently Dumbledore has now   
  
installed alarms in the boys' dorms as well. Barmy old git.  
  
With great dignity, I picked myself up of the ground, ignoring the muffled snickers erupting around me.   
  
Then, in an extremely dignified manner, I grabbed the collar of the nearest first year and demanded that he   
  
fetch Ron for me. He squeaked in a terrified manner, and ran to do my bidding. He came back a few moments   
  
later, and cringingly informed me that Ron was not there. I fled to my room for the second time that evening.   
  
I had to do some _serious_ planning.  
  
Some time later, I emerged from the dorms with a plan: I would search every corner of the castle for Ron,   
  
and when I found him, I would corner him and declare my love for him. Okay, so it wasn't a very _good_ plan.   
  
But hey, _I was under duress!  
_  
As I speedily exited the common room, I began my search for Ron. Believe me, I searched _everywhere_!   
  
In the Kitchens, in the Great Hall, in the library (though goodness knows why he would be there), in all the   
  
empty classrooms, on the Quidditch Pitch...hell, I even searched the boys' locker rooms! The Hufflepuffs   
  
weren't too happy about that...And no one seemed to want to help me! They simply turned their backs on   
  
my pleas for help, and muttered something about being "a bitch for treating Ron like that." I didn't even   
  
realize that the news had spread that fast!  
  
In a last ditch effort to locate him; I stormed into the Prefect's Bathroom to see if Ron had hidden himself

in there. Well...I can say that Ron _wasn't_ there. And that the occupants of the bathroom were hit with quite a

few good hexes. Serves Malfoy right for being a bloody pervert!  
  
Finally, I had the bright idea of asking Harry if I could use his Marauder's Map. After some quick   
  
searching, I located Harry in the common room, snogging Ginny. Don't those two ever stop? I'm sure that   
  
Harry will not forgive my actions for quite some time. I stalked up to the happy couple, and _literally pulled   
  
their lips apart_. I then slammed Harry up against the wall and demanded that he give me his map. Well, my   
  
frustration was immense at the moment, and I had no time for politeness at the time! I believe that I must   
  
have been quite intimidating, for Harry squeaked in a terrified manner and handed me the map, no questions   
  
asked. I quickly scanned the map, and found..._nothing_. There wasn't a blob labeled Ron Weasley anywhere   
  
in Hogwarts!  
  
I panicked for a moment, convinced that Ron had slit his wrists in sorrow, until I remembered that   
  
Professor Contreras, our new DADA teacher, had recently taught us how to cast Untraceable Spells...on   
  
ourselves. "Thank God he's alive!" I cried, and then I remembered that I still had no way of getting to him.   
  
"_Damn_!"  
A few hours later, I had finally come up with a last, desperate plan, in the faint hope that I might finally   
  
get his attention. I wrote a letter, pouring my soul and emotions into it, finally adding an, "I love you" at the   
  
end. I looked at my work in satisfaction for a moment, then kissed it and headed for the Owlery. I found Pig,   
  
and gave him strict instructions to take it to Ron at breakfast. I then went to my room and fell into a restless   
  
slumber.  
  
At breakfast, I sat down at the Gryffindor table, ignoring the dirty looks and muttering that greeted my   
  
arrival. To my immense relief, I saw that Ron had not skipped breakfast, and was instead shoveling down   
  
scrambled eggs as though his life depended on it. Trust Ron to never miss a meal, even when his heart was   
  
broken. Soon the sound of fluttering wings filled the air, and owls swooped into the Hall towards students. I   
  
soon caught sight of Pig, excitedly winging his way towards Ron. Hooting madly, Pig dropped the letter in   
  
front of Ron, stole some of his toast, and fluttered away. Ron cautiously picked up the letter and opened it. It   
was a _Howler_. Well, it would get his attention!  
  
And it certainly did, all right. In fact, I believe that it got the attention of the entire school. As soon as   
  
he opened the flap, my magically magnified voice filled the Hall. "_Ron Weasley_" it shrieked, "_How DARE you   
  
try to hide from me all this time! How DARE you make me search for you all over the castle?"_ Well, I didn't   
  
say that I was only feeling _loving_ emotions at the time! It continued, "_It was all YOUR FAULT that I had to   
  
witness Malfoy's perverted little activities_!" Malfoy sunk lower in his seat, pale cheeks blazing, "_You have   
  
made me the laughingstock of the school! And all I was trying to say is that I LOVE YOU TOO, DAMMIT!   
  
I...LOVE...YOU, YOU IDIOT_!" Ron had sat stock-still all through the Howler's rantings, but was then   
  
galvanized into action by those words. He strode towards me with a grim look on his face.   
  
I stood, ready for another blazing row, when a pair of lips suddenly descended onto mine and bent me   
  
backwards in what could only be described as a 'movie-style kiss'. The Great Hall erupted with cheers, mixed   
  
with catcalls, but _I_ _didn't care_. Kissing Ron Weasley was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was   
  
comforting, yet exciting and wonderful and...I don't think that I'll bore you with the details here, hmm?   
  
Anyways, we are now officially an item. I have been in a happy daze ever since. I don't believe that   
  
people will _ever_ forget the scene we made in the Hall, judging by the aww-ing and whistling that greets us   
  
every time we're together. I don't know if we're going to be together forever, but right now, it certainly feels   
  
like it! Fred and George say that they are very proud of their "ickle Ronnie-kins". Well, you know what, _I am   
  
too._   
  
Now excuse me, we're going to shag like mad now.   
  
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_Kidding_!   
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Yours faithfully,   
  
Hermione  
  
-  
  
**A/N**: Yes, it has ended! Isn't this moment special, almost...poignant? So in true American style, we shall ruin it via shameless advertising! Check out our other R/Hr fic, if you haven't already! Also, check out Sarah's collaborations with Alex Contreras under the pen name "Les Dilettantes". A small warning: Sarah and Alex's fic contains some minor slash references (Sorry, Miss Piratess :- ( ). Okay, that's enough. We'd like to thank all our wonderful reader, from those who have read and reviewed every chapter, to those who have just lurked throughout the whole thing. Thanks from the bottom of our hearts. All right now, please review, and give Sarah some feedback!   
  
Much love,  
  
Sarah and Sophia


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